I vividly remember setting in my papaw’s hospital bed when i was probably around 3 or 4 and feeding him miniature ritz’s peanut butter crackers…  :) Sweetest memory of Papaw :)

Sometimes it feels like I’ll never be happy again. It doesn’t matter how hard I try„ only one thing makes me happy. And its the one thing that’s the worst for me. He’s my cancer„ Im like an addict. He’s the drug in my veins. He gets me high„ but he’s killing me slowly. Nothing is sacred. Nothing is hallowed. Honor is a word we use to excuse our pride. We’re the downfall„ the death„ the cancer of our society. We live only to pollute it. Something has to bring it down. The downfall has to come. Fading is easy„ better, It’s pure„ its real„ its not tangible enough for us to pollute it. Self awareness is a lie. You can live & breathe & dance & run & fade & never know yourself. People chase something their whole lives. For some its religion„ or peace„ or love„ or pills„ or a hope to make it through the day. So what’s real? What’s sacred? What’s hallowed? Where is honor determined? Do we find it in the silence? In the prayers of repentance? In the soundtracks of the past? Do we find it in the sage & the lives they lead? Is it even there to find? Hope„ Honor„ Happiness„ Fading… Is any of it real? So„ I set & breathe & fade & hope & pray…. For my cancer…